If there’s one thing (and there are actually several) that make me go mental, it’s clothing sizes.

For the most part, I am a size 12. Even though I am still overweight (obese, even), this was very exciting to me because I had never worn a size 12. I think I wore a size 14 in middle school, and when I decided to start eating right and exercising, I wore a 24W. But I had never, ever worn a 12 or anything smaller.

When I first started, before I really grasped what healthy living was all about, my goal was a size 8. The distance between a 24W and an 8 is like …  I can’t even think of a comparison. It’s just huge. And even though I know that healthy living is not a dress size, I am still preoccupied with the numbers. I arbitrarily picked size 8 because it was a single digit, and while I am fully aware of how stupid that was, it’s looking like that might work out to be my “happy place,” so to speak.

I should be embarassed to post these photos because my bathroom mirror was filthy, but I guess if you are writing about clothing sizes on the Internet, you already have no shame.

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The jacket is what gave me pause today. I bought it awhile ago because it was $3 from a clearance rack at some trashy teen clothing store. It is a size 1X. Yet it just now fits. The pants in this picture are a juniors size 15, and I’m not sure what that translates to in real sizes, but they were $4 dollars from Kohl’s 90 percent off rack, and I was thrilled to bits to even be able to get into anything that it is a junior’s size. So size 15 or not, I consider the pants a victory.

Different styles also factor into what size I’ll wear — if something is low rise, I have to go up a size, because I carry all of my weight in my gut. I bought white cropped pants for my conference this past weekend and had to go with the 14 because they were low rise.

I know that different labels all make their sizes slightly different. I’ve even heard size 0 starlets say (OK, read that they said) they have anything from a 0 to a 4 in their closet. I know that being healthy and working out are way more important than any size.

But it gets to me.

I found the cutest skirt on the 75 percent off rack at Target tonight. I loved it. It was $6.24, from $24.99. But it was a size a 14. I took it to the dressing room, willing it to be too big. It wasn’t. It fit perfectly.

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It’s cuter in person. But I almost didn’t buy it because it was a 14. And I am no longer a 14, goddamn it. I bought it (obviously) and am excited to wear it, but even just putting it on to take that photo made me feel like a failure.

I knowwww how stupid it is to be hung up on a clothing size. I knowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknow. But I can’t shake it.

What’s your hang-up?